I was petrified about letting the dominant part of me out. What if they thought I was sick. What if they laughed. Worst of all, what if I hurt somebod...? Jesus. That would destroy me.But I was stuck on the horns of a dilemma. I couldn't go back to how I was, that way led nowhere, so I could only go forward, but I didn't know how to make a first step.I was contemplating that when Anna called. I hadn't realized it'd gotten so late. I hadn't eaten anything or moved from the table where Jenny sat. I had been tossing and turning, able to really sleep all night, just thinking about what I was about to do today. My husband, lying there in the bed next to me, and I have been trying to get pregnant for nearly a year now, but it just isn't working. He is great in bed, but apparently the little swimmers can't quite make it to the finish line. To solve our little problem, in a few hours, I was going to let my cousin Jake give it a try. I had been wet all night just thinking about it. Imagining. ” “So you haven’t been with another woman? You wouldn’t want to?” he persisted. “I haven’t, and I can’t imagine doing. It’s never been a fantasy. It seems like something young women are given to these days,” I sighed, “but I’m not a young woman now.” His hangdog look suggested I’d disappointed him a little, so I decided to cheer him by embellishing the truth slightly. “I suppose if it happened, I wouldn’t say no, but she would have to take the lead. I wouldn’t know what to do.” He looked. Of course, I agreed with him, and I told him so. The family was from Northern Mississippi, and had been on the road for well over a month. They did not make good time because they were using horses instead of mules. Horses are not as strong as mules and have to stop more often to rest.These people, the Beauregards, had run into bandits a couple of times, but had been able to fight them off. It seemed that, according to their father, both boys were excellent shots with their Navy Colt revolvers..
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